Woodfarm Barns

22 hours ago

Dear Diary

Day 7 of Lockdown in the UK - 30th March 2020

Oops, huge oversleep. Sorry I’m later than usual. I was awake half the night and only just woke up again! The coffee is beside me and will soon be coursing through my veins! It takes a while to write this rubbish though so bear with…

I’ll start with a rant. Hold on, I need coffee.

Crime is up. Commercial properties are empty and every one is at home. So the burgling of commercial properties in on the increase! Aaaaaaaaaaagggggh I hate these people! I can never put into words my feelings about these people who can’t find a way to earn money honestly like the rest of us.

One of my closest friends owns a pub and when I spoke to him just before the lockdown, he and his team were emptying it of all the booze and moving it to a secure location. Because of these people. I seriously have no words. Oh hold on, I found one. Scum. That’s me being very restrained.

I have been avoiding the news over the last few days as it’s all a bit depressing. But yesterday I listened to some; Police broke up a karaoke party in Derbyshire consisting of 25 adults and children. In Gloucestershire a health worker had someone cough in the their face deliberately. Someone somewhere else spat at a Police officer. What is wrong with these people?

I also had a little scroll through Facebook whilst I was awake earlier (again, sorry I’m late) which I don’t do very often. There’s so much negativity in terms of people re-posting ‘facts’ and conspiracy theories. It’s no wonder there are so many, as this stuff spreads like wildfire. I was hoping to see something to make me laugh. I didn’t.

Whilst I’m tuned to rant-mode I’ll bring up Trump. I promise I’ll lighten the mood in a minute. As I’ve said I won’t get political on here, it isn’t the right platform. I just want to talk about the human being (?) that is Trump. This would be comedy if it wasn’t so serious.

I’ve looked at a lot of clips of things he is saying and I’m astounded. This isn’t my opinion or anything political, I’m just saying I’ve watched the man in charge of America saying incredible things. Watched his actual lips saying the things. So many things (oh crap, I sound like him!) Have a look on Youtube for yourself. It’s truly frightening and I feel very lucky to be British.

We have got sooooo many idiots as I’ve just pointed out, flouting the rules, with no common sense, but I think I’d rather have our leaders having a go at dealing with this, than the poor people of America have right now. Again, not getting political so please don’t shout at me, but I think things might have been handled a little, err, differently with Mr. Obama in charge. Not saying he’d have it under control, there may simply have been a different approach.

Trump is feeding his people so many misleading comments and horrible remarks directed at journalists and other politicians. I watched him deliver a sarcastic reply in a press conference when he heard about one of his nemeses contracting this virus. I think it was Mick Romney, I could be wrong, but that’s not the issue. He clearly took delight in the fact that someone who opposes him had got it! To me, that is impeachable! I just don’t get it.

His promise that it would all be over by Easter was simply jaw-dropping. Now he’s saying the end of April! He does not know! None of us do. And yet hoards of innocent American sheep will follow him off the cliff. I’ve watched him compare “ratings” for his briefings to other ‘events’!

The US has become the country with the biggest number of confirmed cases of the virus in the world, now ahead of China.

A record number of Americans have filed for unemployment - nearly 3.3 million people, so the president repeated his calls for Americans to return to work as soon as possible. “We have to get back to work, our people want to work” he said. “This is the United States of America, they don’t want to sit around and wait.”�
Anyway, I’m done on Trump for now. Sorry if I raised your blood pressure but I needed to get that off my chest. Oh, and please don’t anybody come back and defend the guy, I won’t get into it with you. He's a very scary man. Just remembered I wrote a song about him on our last album, I might have to share it with you.

So, what did I do yesterday? Errrmmmm, not much! Usually it’s a busy one with changeovers but we just had one healthcare worker and his partner arrive. I see Airbnb are now taking NHS staff in so that’s great.

I was planning to get out with Wilson on the bike but it was very cold and windy! Ok, I know I’ve got my snood now (thanks again for the name Lisa) but I spent most of the morning replying to my diary comments, as well as the tons of comments that the first prototype of my ear-warmers received. In hindsight, two trainer socks on my ears, with an elastic band round my head, did make me look like a Trump-rally attendee. Oh my god, go and watch some of their interviews on Youtube! These are actual human beings. 🤣

I did go to the gym though. I got around to the gym in the afternoon. It takes about 8 seconds to walk there from my front door. I had a really satisfying session, which felt odd as I haven’t been for almost a week now. Going to the actual gym seems like a lifetime ago. As I said yesterday I think, time is very different now. A day feels like a fortnight. Not because it’s dragging, because it isn’t for me just yet. But because a week ago feels like 6 months ago. Do you get what I mean?

After my gym session I felt really tired and I ached all over. I thought for a minute that this was it. I thought I was coming down with it. But a one-hour recovery session on my sofa, with much snoring and gazing at the inside of my eye-lids and I was fine again!

Ok folks, Hedgehog cake. Please let me know, on a scale of Hedgehog cake, how you’re feeling today? This cracked me up. My Daughter Lauren sent it to me yesterday and I just had to share it with you. We had a good chat last night. She’s doing fine in London isolation. For the record, She is one of the Londoners who is staying in her house, not sunbathing in the park, or partying with friends.

So let’s have your Hedgehog cake feelings please……

I came across some great new ads as I listened to the radio yesterday too. My faves were;

Two separate furniture businesses. Yes! I need a new coffee table and I need it now! I don’t care if the NHS will struggle to cope, or if the Police are fighting to get people to stay away from public areas, I need to get out and buy a magazine rack and change my dining chairs! Where will I put all my magazines otherwise, and what will all my friends say this Friday at the dinner party when they are sitting on the old chairs that I’m embarrassed about?!?!?!

And an estate agent. Guaranteed sale in as little as 48 hours! Errrrrrmmm what?!??!

Then a Sock advert. I’m gonna rush out today and buy some though, so I can drive in my all new Vauxhall Corsa to have my teeth whitened with new socks on. We must hang on to what’s important right now and that is socks!

“Dear sock people. I’m ok just now thanks. I had some already and am going out less now so don’t think I’ll need any more for the time being as mine don’t seem to be wearing out. Thanks though. Lots of love, Carl xx”

Then I head an ad for Brut?!?! Is it 1980 again? And with social distancing, I’m not sure this is going to be a huge issue.

Then a “high speed cheese slicer”. Whaaaaat?!?!?! Because we all need to be slicing cheese as quickly as possible don’t we? We simply do not have the time to be slicing it slowly folks. Hurry!!!

I don’t understand how none of these advertisers has yet had the ability to remotely do an ad that says “These are different times aren’t they? We normally want you to rush out and buy our coffee table/ all new Vauxhall Corsa/ high-speed slicer/ deodorant, but for now we will let you know about them so you can buy them later”. Or……. Stop advertising! It’s pointless!

And yes, as I’ve said, I get that schedules are done in advance, but someone somewhere at a radio station is insisting that these continue as planned. I’m guessing that they still have adverts on the telly too but as I’ve explained, I don’t have one. The last ad I saw on telly was for Toffos. “Go get em Floyd”.

What’s the most pointless advert you’ve seen or heard at the mo? Let’s start a list shall we?

My mate Phil is getting better but Gayle is in the middle of it now and not feeling so good. So let’s wish Gayle a speedy recovery. Lots of love Gayley D xxx

Well that’s me done for now I think. Sorry it was a bit ranty today, I don’t feel particularly ranty just now. In mitigation, I think the Trump and advert stuff is more incredulity than ranty isn’t it? Maybe I’ve just got too much time to think? 🤣

Keep following, liking and commenting as it really does cheer me up!

From Wilson and me, have a good day and we’ll see you tomorrow

Stay safe x ... See MoreSee Less

Woodfarm Barns

2 days ago

Diary update!

I mentioned earlier in my diary entry that I was going to trial a new way to keep my ears warm on my bike ride today.

I said I'd put some trainer socks on my ears and keep em in place with an elastic band. Some of you scoffed but who's laughing now? Check these bad boys out!

I feel a Dragon's Den appearance coming on! ... See MoreSee Less

Woodfarm Barns updated their profile picture.

2 days ago

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Woodfarm Barns

3 days ago

Dear Diary

Day 5 of Lockdown in the UK - 28th March 2020

Well here’s a couple of things I’d almost forgotten about:

Firstly, we did a poll on here just over a week ago, when it hadn’t really hit home to us quite yet. Is it just me or does a week ago feel like a distant memory? I don’t quite know how to express it but you know when you’re trying to remember something you did 3 years ago but it’s kinda hazy and you can’t quite process all the bits? Well that’s how I feel about a week ago!

Anyhoo, the poll. I did it, as I said on there, to “retain the amazing Woodfarm sense of community that you gorgeous people have created on here”. Well in that week, the rationale for the poll seems to have gone out of the window but the result was resounding. I wanted to know what you wanted to hear about. But that was before my posts turned into rambling and waffling, and then morphed into this sort of diary thing. I’m really chuffed that this is helping so many people, me included!

So to the voting; 11% wanted Suffolk info and news, and 89% wanted daft posts & shenanigans. I guess this ‘diary thingy’ comes under the latter heading? In the olden days B.C (that’s Before Corona) I would often post funny stuff I’d seen online, or come up with my own attempts at being funny. My sense of humour is still inside me but it’s struggling to come out much at the mo. Also, I don’t want to be insensitive. These are really tough times so hopefully between us we will strike the balance between the brevity of what’s going on, and keeping our spirits up?

I promise I’ll get round to more daft stuff, but I don’t think any of us are in a hurry are we?

We did that poll, not to ‘sell’ to you, as I hate overtly doing that, but we do like to share stuff about our wonderful county, so we’ll keep doing that a bit too from time to time. It’s interesting that the results of the poll reflect to sort of ratio that we have always posted anyway, which is comforting.

Actually, I did see something unrelated to COVID-19 yesterday that made me laugh, so I’ll share that with you too now and make it the photo for today. You’ll see the picture attached of a “Thorough-bread Dog”. Yes I know, little things, please little minds.

So many of you have said that you will come and stay when this is over, which is wonderful to read. That’s not why I’m doing this and you know that. But to me, the demonstration of human kindness and the spirit that refuses to be broken, is phenomenal. I have had so many comments that show support for my business and the desire to come and try our Barges & Barns out once we get through this. Thank you. I cannot actually express how that makes me feel. I’m not good enough with words to convey what reading your words does to me.

I know we will come through this as a business, and I have a feeling that we are gonna be busy. With my incredible team I have built a really good business and we have got busier and busier over the years, turning away so many enquiries because we don’t have the capacity. And that was always rewarding. Frustrating but rewarding. Now you know as well as I do that once this is over, we are all going to want to race back to our brilliant pubs, restaurants, coffee shops, farm shops and deli’s etc.

We will also as a nation want to get the hell away from our houses for a few days. So I know we are going to be flat out. And I know we will start to recoup some of our losses. So that’s what keeps me going. But the icing on the cake for me is that I seem to have made so many new friends on here, that I know there are going to be people coming to see us who we’ve built a bond with during this time. And that’s wonderful. Thank you. I know you’re only going to come to meet Wilson though!

Moving on… It’s weird working for nothing. To be honest I’m now not doing much actual work as I’ve dealt with most of the admin and processing for moving bookings etc. There’s just a little bit to do each day now. I find myself adjusting, as indeed we all are. Usually I try to focus every day on what makes money. But that’s stopped now as I can’t make any money. Now I’m working on how to lose as little money as possible.

I have had some great years with my business and have done ok. It’s been 11 years in May and I reckon I’ll make the same amount this May as I did in May 2009, probably less! 🤣

I’ve worked hard, found a fabulous team, built a business with a great reputation, hundreds of Five Star reviews, Gold Awards coming out of our ears, blah blah blah. But it’s all changed now for all of us. None of that matters at the mo. Except my team, who are all still fabulous and we are supporting each other now via WhatsApp and phone calls.

It’s all shifted. From this weekend we will be occupied by NHS staff, again for whom, I am utterly lost for words. Just amazing people cracking on to reduce the effects of this horrible situation for as many people as they can. We all clapped for them on Thursday night and I reckon we will be doing more to show our appreciation as the days as weeks tick by.

And then I have my new job as Deli Deli-very Boy. I only do the Deli-very pun as Michelle cringes at my puns. I’d rather go and help someone who is working flat out for their community, than to work in my own business and not make any money. My business is not currently relevant. It isn’t one of this essentials. But it will be again one day. It is what it is for now.

Ok, I’m actually not going to rant at all today. I had made a note to have a rant at a particular bank who have said something to a guest, which wound me up massively yesterday (the bank, not the guest). I remain disgusted at the way the banks and the insurance companies are throwing the ticking time-bomb of debt at their customers and all the small businesses. But for today at least I will rise above it. I’ll probably name em tomorrow. And slate them. And tell you I’m going to close my accounts. But not today.

Crikey, don’t I go on?!?!? 🤦‍♂️

I said right up the top there that there were a couple of things I’d almost forgotten about and I’ve gone all over the place. I’m worse than Ronnie Corbett. For anyone under 50, don’t worry about that reference, you’re not supposed to get it.

So the second thing….

Weeks and weeks ago we launched an Easter Egg Hunt! We came up with this fab idea to put Easter Eggs dotted around out Barges & Barns on our virtual tours, each revealing a letter, which in turn spells out a pertinent phrase to us. You then enter by telling us the phrase and we pick a winner just after Easter. We did it to increase our database and to let you have a look around all of our places. We did this so you might say “Oooh, this looks nice, let’s book a break”.

I’ve always believed in marketing very openly and honestly as many of you know. I’ve nothing to hide. So yes we have some fabulous prizes for one lucky winner and that will still go ahead. There’s a posh, mouth-watering Chocolate selection from Earsham Street Delicatessen, where I’m now a Deli-very boy (you should see the Egg puns!!!!), plus a fab range of Dog treats from Doodledales, and a whole bunch of Woodfarm branded merchandise.

But ya know what? To be honest I really don’t care right now about building our database. Really, I don’t. We will get back to that after all this but right now it just leaves me feeling flat. Because it’s marketing and I just don’t want to do any of at the mo, even if other people are (see previous mentions for the all new Vauxhall Corsa and White Teeth)

But…. the Easter Egg Hunt is still happening and to be honest, you’ve got time now. So if you want to win some lovely things, go and have a go. If not I will eat it all. Including the dog treats! Not really. Lots of people have entered so we’ll be able to pick a winner. But here’s my sales pitch if you haven’t entered and you’ve got time on your hands;

“If you’re bored, do our Easter Egg Hunt. You could win some good stuff. If you want to. I don’t mind. There’s a Blog Post on Woodfarm Barns with it on. It’s the third Blog down”

Anyway, I’m done for now, I don’t want to bore you. Plus, I need more caffeine and then a bike ride!

From Wilson and me, have a good day and I’ll see you tomorrow

Stay safe x ... See MoreSee Less

Woodfarm Barns

5 days ago

Dear Diary

Day 3 of Lockdown in the UK - 26th March 2020

Right, first things first, and it’s not good news I’m afraid…. Wilson is starting to get a little bit too comfortable (as you can see) here, considering he only rocked up the other day! I’m sure we’ll work it out as these are tryings times for us all, but I think we need to have words today.

Anyway, yesterday was weird. Actually every day is weird isn’t it?

First thing in the morning I got my usual Wednesday reminder on my phone to tell me to contact all this weekend’s guests arriving to check times etc. That kinda brought it home as so many things do. My brain went “Ah yes, hello Wednesday. I now email all of the guests coming Friday, Sunday and Monday to make arrangements for their arrival. Oh wait, hold on, no I don’t as I’ve told them all not to come”. Weird.

It’s peculiar isn’t it, how our daily and weekly routines are somehow suddenly not there. And I know from talking with friends, that those who are still working, their roles have all changed. Without exception I think. And it’s changing daily it seems.

I wrote a song last year called ‘Broken’. It opens with;

“It’s become the new normal, you can’t read it any more
At the risk of being formal, crazy’s taken to the floor
In the world that we live in, everything is turning strange
Now it’s just a given, we’re all looking for a change”

It’s about how, as a society, we are screwing it all up and breaking the planet. On our album, it features both my lovely bandmates, who are in their 20’s, as well as my equally lovely Daughter, also in her 20’s. I sorta think of them as the generation below mine singing about how the older lot have messed things up. Even more poignant to me is we also have our friend and producer David’s Daughter, aged 9, singing on it too. The chorus starts with “We’ve only ourselves to blame, remembering before”, but we got Niamh to sing “You’ve only yourselves to blame”

It’s a thought eh? Sorry, I have no idea when I start typing, where this ‘diary’ is going to go once the caffeine kicks in!

But the point is, this is the ‘new normal’. Whilst we are starting to get used to it, we all know there’s more to come that we will have to get used to. But in the main, I think we are adapting. As well as can be expected.

I had a discussion yesterday on a WhatsApp group I have with three mates. One said that we are all going to hell in a handcart, although I think he had an f-word in there somewhere. My view is that a lot of good will will come of this. We ended up agreeing to disagree (sort of) and carried on sharing the silly videos that are doing the rounds.

But I really do think good will come of this when we get through it. And get through it we will!

Normally (in the old times) I try to think of things that will amuse you lovely people on here, share jokes, often dog-related as that is (was) our market. I try to take pretty pictures of things in Suffolk to let you see how lovely it is here. I share as much as I can of all the lovely independent businesses in Suffolk that you can tap into whilst you’re on holiday here. And I do this in the hope that you think Suffolk looks like a nice place to be.

And I also share the occasional stuff about our Barges & Barns too, in the hope that some of you think you’d like to stay with us when you come to enjoy Suffolk. That’s what I used to do.

But that’s all changed. For now.

So my new normal on Facebook at least, seems to be writing this stuff. As I’ve said, it’s just my ramblings when I wake up and inject caffeine. But it does help me, living here on my own (ok, I have Wilson now I know) to offload my thoughts.

And it does seem to help some of you awesome people out there too, many of you past guests and friends, many of you who just like what we do (did). Sometimes I make you laugh, sometimes I make you cry. Ya know what, sometimes I make me laugh and sometimes I make me cry. But that’s ok. We are all learning to deal with this ‘new normal’ and we all need to learn to lean on each other. That’s how I think our world will improve once we get through this.

It’s also really nice to answer you back individually, and I will always answer everyone, unless I just don’t see your comment. In which case nudge me!

There was the ‘be kind’ campaign in recent times, of which I was totally supportive, for all the reasons it came to be. There are some horrible, depraved wazzocks (insert your own w-word in your head if you wish) people out there. But it didn’t really directly affect my world so it was just a ‘thing’ in the media to me. I am not diminishing or diluting the ethos behind it in any way. But this? This virus? It’s a thing that is, has, and will, affect all of us.

I just hope that once we are through it, we will all be nicer to each other. I hope that once it is permitted, we will all hug each other a bit more (I’m good at hugs), I hope that we will all do things for each other a bit more?

Ya know yesterday I told you that I find it incredulous that ad schedules are still running and that I am still getting calls offering irrelevant services right now? I went out and bought a Vauxhall Corsa though with my new white teeth!��Well yesterday I had an email saying;

“Hi Carl,

I came across your website whilst looking for properties in Suffolk - I work for a company that helps Property Owners get direct bookings.

At ‘NAME DELETED’ we exclusively provide websites for the holiday let industry, with everything you could possibly need to easily manage and promote your business.

You can take a look at our extensive features here ‘URL DELETED’

I apologise for the direct approach, just feel that we could genuinely make your life easier, improve your customers journey and increase bookings.

Let me know if this is something you might be interested in.

Kind regards,

‘MORON’S NAME DELETED’

What the actual?!?!?!? Is it just me, or are there still people out there that don’t get this?!?!?!?

I wrote a VERY strong reply that I shared with friends but did not send to the guy. It was VERY offensive and angry and it helped me release some steam. I will not share it with you. That’d be unprofessional. I want to remain professional in the hope that one day I will rebuild a holiday cottage business. But wow, what a ******** eh?!?!?!?!

Anyway, I’m done rambling for now. There has been an overwhelming response to my ramblings and I have no idea if that’ll continue, or if you’ll get bored of me. But I’ll carry on for now. If this brightens up one person’s day and I get one like, then ya know what? I’m ok with that. Cos that’ll make two of us that feel just a little bit better right now.

Oh, and in closing, there has clearly been a lot of love for Wilson so he will be staying at Woodfarm forever. He has suggested that people might like to have their photo taken with him when they come to stay! He has ideas for Woodfarm Wilson commemorative mugs and all sorts!

When this is all done and I find my marketing hat again, I’m sure we will go Wilson crazy, though I need to avoid being sued by Tom Hanks!

Have a good day and I’ll see you tomorrow

Stay safe x ... See MoreSee Less