A Dog’s Review of Woodfarm Barns: Twelve Out of Ten, Would Recommend

My name is Bernard. I am a three-year-old Labrador of considerable distinction, and I have recently returned from what I can only describe as the finest holiday of my adult life. I have asked my owners to write this down because, despite their many qualities, they have a tendency to understate things. I do not share this tendency. What follows is an honest and accurate account of four nights at Woodfarm Barns in Suffolk. I am going to attempt to remain objective throughout, but I should warn you: I am not objective.

We arrived on a Friday afternoon and I was out of the car before my owners had fully processed the concept of stopping. The smell alone was extraordinary;  fields, birds, other dogs who had been here before me and left detailed messages everywhere, and beneath it all, the deep and satisfying aroma of countryside with no urban interruptions. I took a full inventory of the garden in approximately forty-five seconds. It was enclosed. It was large. There were things to sniff at the edges. I approved.

The Barn itself was, by all accounts, very nice. I say “by all accounts” because my primary interest was the garden, but I did notice that the floor was warm, the sofa was long, and there was a rug positioned at exactly the right distance from the wood-burning stove. I tested the rug extensively. It performed admirably. My owners spent some time in the hot tub and appeared to enjoy it. I supervised from the garden and barked at a duck that had overstepped its boundaries. The duck left. Order was restored.

The mornings were my favourite part. The fields around Woodfarm extend in all directions in a way that I found personally encouraging, and we walked every one of them. On day two we made it as far as the river, which was a particular triumph. There were reeds. There were interesting birds. There was mud of exceptional quality along the bank, and I went into it with the kind of commitment that I feel my owners did not fully appreciate at the time. I was later showered using the outdoor dog shower, which I considered a slight overreaction, but which I acknowledge was thoughtfully provided.

I should mention the Pooch Paddock. Woodfarm has a fully enclosed two-acre meadow specifically for dogs, and on our second afternoon I was released into it with three other dogs I had never met. I want to be clear that I handled this situation with great maturity and only knocked one of them over once, and it was an accident. We ran circuits for forty minutes. It was one of the best forty minutes of my life, and I have had some good forty minutes.

On our last morning I sat outside the barn door and watched the swallows arrive back for spring. They were darting across the courtyard with a kind of joyful recklessness that I found professionally inspiring. My owners were drinking coffee and not really talking, which is something they do when they are happy. I rested my chin on the warm stone step and breathed in the Suffolk air and thought: this is correct. This is what we are supposed to be doing.

In conclusion: Woodfarm Barns is a ten out of ten for dogs, a ten out of ten for owners, and I am already monitoring the calendar for the next available dates. If you have a dog and you have not yet explained to them that Woodfarm exists, I suggest you do so immediately. They deserve to know. Check the current availability of the Barns and Barges for rent and come and join us. The mud is excellent and the duck situation remains under control.