The Stonham Aspal Olympic Games

As the 2016 Rio Olympic Games is launched, it’s time to let you know about the credible alternative. I am delighted to announce that Woodfarm Barns is hosting the 2016 Stonham Aspal Olympic Games!

Yes, we are in direct competition with the Rio Olympics and I’m sure we’ll give em a run for their money!

The Olympic Games comes around every four years and as we were still building barns four years ago we couldn’t compete but now that we have been up and running for a few years now we can focus on the Stonham Aspal Olympic Games.Let’s address the controversial topic first and get it out of the way. I can confirm that following a meeting of SOC, the Stonham Olympic Committee, ALL of the Rabbits have been banned from appearing, following the exposure of their doping process.

Lawyers for the Rabbits, Watership & Downs, have stated categorically that their eyes and ears are supposed to look like that but the SOC have put their paw down and said no!

Ok, that’s out of the way, let’s look at the disciplines on offer at the Stonham Olympics. Clearly we have a lower budget than the Rio games but we have nonetheless cleared quite a sizeable budget for the inaugural Woodfarm Olympic Games;

Wheelbarrow racing.

We have two wheel and four wheel events. as you can see, the four wheeler is in British racing Green, whilst the two-wheeler is in a more sporty orange. The race will consist of laps of Woodfarm

Lawn-mowing.

A strong event this, featuring ride-on and walk-behind events. All in British Racing Green, the lawnmower events will take place in the various gardens of our holiday cottages for the walk-behind and the main landscaped gardens for the ride-on events.

Duck race.

Although this years haul of new ducklings have flown the nest, we have written to them asking them to come back for the Stonham Olympics. If they do reply then the racing will take place on the main pond. As you can see they were taking the pre-games diet regime seriously!

Rug beating.

A crowd favourite this one. Featuring rugs of different sizes and patterns, we have antique rug-beaters for the Woodfarm clean team to pit their wits against each other.

Here’s a great pic of one of the Woodfarm clean team ladies in action. I am so in trouble for that one if any of them read this!

Cycling.

An obvious one as we have a bike shed full of almost Olympic standard bikes, not to mention our three-seater Daisy, although there is only one of her!

Here’s some recent guests trying Daisy out. They didn’t get far as she’s pretty difficult to ride. Best we leave it to the professionals!

The cycling velodrome is a rural version and looks a bit like the lane past Woodfarm, down to Crowfield Church, along to Coddenham and then back round via Pettaugh.

Swimming.

The fish are in good shape and poised for their events. I can confirm that the diving will not be taking place in the Hot Tubs. The Swimming will consist of lengths of the pond, which may get confusing as it is round! The larger Koi will have a handicap as they are 20 times the size of the tiddlers.

The diving event has been cancelled due to an unfortunate incident involving a frog falling off the decking into the pond disturbing the fish!

Snail racing.

Another real crowd pleaser this one as the Suffolk snails literally go head to head of speeds up to 3 miles per month!

This image shows the two favourites; on the left is Brian from Stowupland and on the right we have Clive from Stonham Parva. It’s set to be  be real clash of the titans as they set off during the opening ceremony and are expected to hit the finishing line at the other end of Woodfarm just around the time of the closing ceremony

Egg & Spoon race

An event shrouded in controversy as it has been alleged that some of the spoons used may have been on performance-enhancing steroids but we cannot confirm or deny this.

As you can see from this image, they are pretty much the same so we have an even playing field.

The opening ceremony will take place on Friday 5th August 2016 and is set to be a real spectacular as we have a pack of sparklers and some toffee apples!

Feel free to come and watch the games as it won’t be on television due to a dispute over Rio or something. We will post a full schedule of events in the village newsletter being circulated in the next month or so.